Happy Monday!

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This week we're discussing the importance of candor, and why you should tell it like you see it (within reason).

As a brief disclaimer: many links for items, books, etc. are done through affiliate links, which means I may get paid a small pittance of money for anything you purchase using these links.

Candor vs Cruelty

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Candor is an exceedingly rare and increasingly necessary phenomenon. In both personal and professional settings, it allows people to develop into the best versions of themselves. It accelerates learning and growth. It allows us to set clear boundaries and protect our own needs. So why is it so rare?

I'd argue that true candor comes at great cost to the one giving it: they must genuinely care about the recipient, and they must also be willing to invest time and effort into them. Giving honest feedback requires a high degree of trust; it's uncomfortable to be blunt, but we also know that it's often the right thing to do.

Cruelty, on the other hand, is much easier to give. Typically, we don't care about the person we direct negative comments towards. The internet is a prime example of this; keyboard warriors spew vitriol behind the cover of their screens, reveling in the damage done by their words. Critiquing others is easy, especially when we don't need to be there to help pick up the pieces. Cruelty is meant to tear down while candor is meant to build up.

Candor is honest feedback delivered with the intention of helping that person improve. In personal relationships, this may boil down to pointing out a friend's unhealthy habits or their lack of effort when it counts. "Hey, I think you're leaving a lot of potential on the table. I don't think you applied yourself as much as you could have at your last job." These words can sting, but they must also be delivered with kindness; the feedback is being given to help that person, not to insult them.

In professional settings, and especially in leadership, this is particularly important. People who report to you will do things incorrectly, will make mistakes, will cross boundaries. These behaviors are often unintentional, but they must be corrected all the same. Beating around the bush and giving vague feedback is completely ineffective, and this strategy is typically employed by weak-minded managers who don't want to have hard conversations. Hard conversations require more effort, both in the delivery and in the follow-through. Skirting the issue is easier in the moment, but leads to larger problems down the road.

Giving honest feedback is a commitment. The person giving it must be willing to help the recipient navigate the conversation and discover a way to move forward. Criticism is passive, candor is active. If you're going to be blunt with someone you care about, you must also be willing to help them improve. Hard conversations are best avoided if you don't care about the end result or if you have no desire to follow through.

Lastly, and most importantly, if you seek out honest feedback then you better also be willing to listen and implement. Nothing is worse than the person who constantly asks for criticism and advice, yet fails to put any of it into practice. If you have no desire to change, then don't seek out true feedback and waste the time of those giving it. You're better off letting your ego calm down and waiting until you're emotionally ready for candor.

Hit List

The most interesting things I've encountered this week:

What I'm reading: Radical Candor by Kim Scott

This book discusses candor in professional settings and how it can be effectively implemented. Organizations that promote transparency and honesty have been shown to foster better corporate cultures and experience lower employee turnover. Doing it correctly is a delicate process, and this book is a great place to start. (As a bonus, this book is free on Kindle Unlimited)

Level up your fitness: "10 Calendar Features to Create Your Perfect Fitness Routine" by Howie Jones for Entrepreneur

A big struggle that many people I've spoken with face is finding the time to prioritize exercise. While I typically dislike articles like this one, the points made are practical and effective. Definitely worth a read if you struggle in this department!

Quote(s) of the week:

"A person's success in life can be measured by the number of uncomfortable conversations they are willing to have." - Tim Ferris

One of my favorite quotes, and something that relates directly to this week's newsletter topic!

Tip of the week:

Get honest feedback from someone you can trust, and implement changes

Seek out someone you trust and respect, ideally a close friend you've known for some time. Ask them for some feedback on an issue that you're struggling with. It can be something personal or professional, but make sure the individual in question is qualified to weigh in. Most importantly, aim to implement changes based on this feedback.

NOTE: If you're really struggling, get feedback on something small and insignificant like whether or not that cheesy button-down in your closet looks good on you. (Hint, you should donate or burn it)

That will do it for this week!

If you haven't downloaded your free copy yet, I've distilled all my tips and tricks for learning and retaining information here: Trainedwright Learning Guide.pdf​

Lastly, as always, if you found any value in this week's newsletter, please share it with just one person who might like it!

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